Have you ever given any significant thought to the type of relationships that you have with these people, or how to improve that relationship if it is not up to the level that you desire?
First of all, you need to determine how you appear to those people. Try
to put yourself in their position and look at yourself in the environment where
they would typically see you and interact with you. What type of person would
they describe you to be? Would they think you are sour on life and always
negative? Would they think you are full of life and energy and always upbeat?
The image that you portray to them will speak volumes about the type of
relationship you have with them.
More importantly, how is your relationship with the people in your life
who are most important to you? If you have a spouse or significant other, the
same rules and logic apply - how do you appear to them?
Do they see you as typically grumpy, tired, and sour on life in general,
or do they see you as the full of life, positive, and energetic person that
attracted them to you in the first place? Has that relationship changed over
the years? If so (and it almost certainly has over time), what steps are you
taking to regain that positive outlook and mentality that got your love
relationship off to a good start in the first place?
If your answer to that question is “nothing”, you unfortunately are not
alone according to current studies, but at the same time, be aware that the
particular relationship that we are talking about is not going to get better.
In fact, chances are excellent that the relationship will, in all likelihood,
continue to deteriorate.
On the other hand, you may be in relationships where you do not want to
be. Are you in an abusive relationship? Again, studies indicate that an abusive
relationship is much more common than most people think, where some estimates
indicate that an abusive relationship exists in an astounding 1 in 8 marital or
spousal relationships. Note that the word “abusive” does not necessarily mean
physical abuse. If physical abuse is part of your relationship, you are
encouraged to report it to your local police since that is not tolerated. But
it is up to YOU to report it.
But the vast majority of abusive relationships do not include physical
abuse. Rather, it is the emotional and mental abuse, which can be every bit as
bad. Maybe that person takes every opportunity to cut you down or belittle you,
whether in your home or out in public. Maybe that person has developed some
habits that they have taken up for the primary reason that they know for a fact
that it bothers you. Or maybe things have gotten to the point where the two of
you cannot even calmly discuss something like the weather without the
discussion digressing into a shouting match about some totally unrelated topic.
In a marital relationship, both parties share the responsibility equally
for the welfare and continued health of that relationship. It cannot be done by
only one partner, regardless of how badly that one partner may want a healthy
relationship - it is a two way street. The pitfall that many couples fall into
is that the responsibility for the health of the relationship is left primarily
to one partner, and although that may work in the very short term, such an
arrangement is doomed to inevitable failure.
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